Bo Koehler (The Irresistible)

                          Tracy Kiss

• leT us what she say about to herself!!!
• • Hi, my name is Tracy Kiss and yes it’s a real surname as my late grandfather was Hungarian. I am a single parent to my two beautiful children Millisent, aka my Millie sent from heaven, and my angelic son Gabriele. I like to think I’m a pretty level-headed kind of girl who thinks about others before I think of myself, I give money to support lifeboat charities and food for dogs. I don’t take anything in life too seriously, I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong or poke fun out of myself. I used to be a model some years ago now, but I was fortunate enough to have gained a good education, seen the world and learnt a bit about life along the way
  • Growing up in the South of England, I lived with my mother, father and older brother. I was a sickeningly shy child who always hid behind adults and the elderly and rarely took part in children’s activities and games. I don’t know quite what caused my shyness, but I never left my mothers side and at school and throughout the rest of my life I would only ever have one or two close friends.
    I was always very under confident in how I looked; try being called Tracy Kiss when you looked like one of the goonie’s growing up! I was too afraid to tie my hair in a ponytail for fear of the children at school noticing me or laughing at my ears, and I wore baggy jumpers and knee high pulled up socks to cover as much of my body as possible because all girls were made to wear skirts and I wasn’t a girly girl at all. I rarely spoke because of a lisp that I had until my early teens which I eventually learned to control through speech therapy; and inside the sleeve of my jumper I used to hold onto my thumb by making a fist so it felt like somebody was holding my hand when I felt alone and scared. At lunch time and after school when the rest of the children were outside or at the park and over each others houses playing I would sit in the school library reading or the alcove of my bedroom, hidden behind my wardrobe on an old typewriter my parents had got for my birthday one year; and I would write stories and poems about friendship and happiness for hours and hours on end. When I was twelve I went on to frequently have my poetry published in collections and anthologies used in schools and it made me smile. I put the publication certificates on my bedroom wall and it drove me to try harder each time and achieve more.
  • I spent the last few years of high school trying to change everything about myself in order to fit in. I hated everything about myself, who I was and how I looked, I could never understand the reason why life had dealt me this cruel hand and made me destined to have been trodden on and looked down upon by everyone around me when inside I was such a smiley loving child who had been buried beneath tears for no reason other than being in the wrong place at the wrong time. When a boy I liked started talking to me at high school I was so happy, we used to chat feverishly for hours in class and one day he made me a mix tape of the Smashing Pumpkins and I’d listen to the words of the songs in my bedroom and in class we’d talk about why we liked them and eventually he sent one of his friends to ask me out for him. Although I had the biggest crush on him I thought it was a joke and that everybody would laugh at me if I said yes and fell for it, I never imagined he could ever be attracted to me so I politely turned him down and instead I watched him date the popular girls from our year; we hardly spoke after that but I often thought about him. I masked my insecurities with humour instead and started to get on far better with others. Towards the end of school it genuinely shocked me that people actually said they’d miss me when I was gone but despite it all, during school prom, parties and dances I stayed at home alone because I wasn’t attractive and I couldn’t dance so I avoided setting myself up to fail and instead stuck to what I knew was safe, being in my room by myself.